Chris Ryan's Top Five Fave Movies for 2025

TOP FIVE

Sinners

Weapons

La Grazia

Sentimental Value

The Secret Agent

Honorable Mention: Blue Moon, The History of Sound, Bugonia

SINNERS

This is the fifth film directed by Ryan Coogler and the fifth to star Michael B. Jordan. Jordan plays identical twins in this movie, and with him being one of the handsomest men on earth and all, what a treat to have twice as much screen time looking at him. But in addition to that he gives an impressive couple of performances. He differentiates between the two brothers without making a big deal about it.

I won’t spoil the content of the movie but let’s just say it starts off like a straightforward drama and becomes a genre movie. It reminded me of the two *Black Panther* movies, also directed by Coogler - - you’re drawn in thinking you’re going to see an entertaining Hollywood movie, and it delivers on that level, but you also get a heaping side dish of insightful critiques of American race relations. I think Coogler must have seen *Mary Poppins* because in his case a spoonful of entertainment helps the medicine go down.

WEAPONS

My buddy Max told me about Zach Cregger’s previous movie, *Barbarian* (2022). It was an exciting horror flick, full of surprises and lots of fun but not exactly breaking new ground. *Weapons* was a definite step forward. I can’t think of another movie that checks all of these boxes: scary, creepy, upsetting, funny, and touching. I’ve got my eye on Cregger, I’m eager to see what he does next. He’s only 44, I hope he has a long and varied career ahead of him.

LA GRAZIA

This is the new film by Italian director Paolo Sorrentino. I loved his movie *The Great Beauty* and really enjoyed *Youth.* This movie was better than either of them. It stars his favorite actor, Toni Servillo, as the President of Italy. He gives a delicately shaded, understated performance full of pathos, intelligence, and charm.

The movie starts six months before he leaves office and ends a few days after he’s left office. His daughter is his chief of staff, they have a complex relationship. Milvia Marigliano sets the screen on fire every time she enters the room, playing his oldest friend - - she’s old, short, squat, elegant, and highly opinionated, a bit of a loose cannon. I’d request a spin-off for her but I’m afraid a whole movie would be troppo.

SENTIMENTAL VALUE

My brother Howard saw *Sentimental Value* at the Vancouver International Film Festival and he raved about it. I saw a previous movie by the same Norwegian director, *Oslo August 31st,* and was blown away by its quiet intensity. *Sentimental Value* has some of that same energy but on a bigger scale. Extraordinary performances but it's really because the roles are so well written. This is a movie that I think will stand the test of time.

THE SECRET AGENT

What a tremendous movie. It starts as a sweet slice of life kind of movie with little glimmers that there’s something else going on. Then there’s a quiet scene in the middle of the movie in which the full story is laid out. And I promise I won’t give away the ending but the ending was presented in such an ordinary way and yet was profoundly moving.

HONORABLE MENTION

*Blue Moon* was sweet with maybe the greatest performance of Ethan Hawke’s career? He’s onscreen the entire time and rarely stops talking but he’s never too much. Linklater somehow communicated that his relentlessness came from a place of loneliness and need, not from a place of obnoxiousness. Kudos to Andrew Scott, Bobby Canavale, and Margaret Qualley in supporting roles.

*The History of Sound* was a lovely little movie. I was thrilled by the ethnomusicology element of the movie. I was also thrilled by the Josh O’Connor element.

*Bugonia* was such a thrilling weird movie! Unique and full of surprises. A stellar performance by Emma Stone - - no surprise, she’s a major collaborator of director Yorgos Lanthimos, she’s starred in his last four movies (and won the Oscar for *Poor Things*). I was also impressed with Jesse Plemmons, he really delivered.

BEST CAMEO, FEMALE

I didn’t like *One Battle After Another* at all (more about that later, see my Drek category) but it was worth seeing for the performances. Regina Hall takes the prize for biggest impact in the smallest amount of time. She was full of quiet desperation, she was the not-quite-calm emotional center of the movie.

I was intrigued to see Alicia Silverstone in the cast list of *Bugonia.* I was unglued by her presence in the movie. Anyone would have been unsettling in that part but the fact that it was HER made it a hundred times more unsettling.

BEST CAMEO, MALE

I loved Chris Cooper’s small role in *The History of Sound.* He puts over instant gravitas. Did he always have that or is it something that’s built up after years of seeing him in movies?

REMEMBRANCE OF MOVIES PAST

I watched *Pillow Talk* with my friends Bill and Martha when I was in Wisconsin in December. They’re a bit older than me so I was surprised that they had never seen it. It know it’s silly and probably offensive to women, homosexuals, alcoholics, and electric blankets, but I enjoy it every time I see it. I’ve probably seen it ten times.

MOVIE THAT NEEDS TO BE MADE

Have you read the Lawrence Grobel book of interviews with Truman Capote, *Conversations with Capote*? Marvelous read, I’ve read it four or five times. Capote talks about how disappointed he was in the movie adaptation of *Breakfast at Tiffany’s.* He held off on selling the movie rights for years and finally gave in with a list of requirements: it had to keep its 1940s setting, it had to star Marilyn Monroe, the central male character had to be a homo, these are the things that come to mind (don’t hold me to any of this, please). Paramount signed off on all of that and made the movie they wanted to make!

Capote was in talks at the end of his life to have a new version made, a version that was really modeled after the book. He wanted Jodie Foster to play Holly Golightly, and the 1980s Foster would have been wonderful in that part. That never happened.

I’d like to suggest a new version that keeps the spirit of the book but takes place now. I see Parker Posey as Holly. She’s a little long in the tooth to play Holly in the 40s (or the 60s) but by today’s standards she’s in her prime.

EAGERLY ANTICIPATED

At long last the *Devil Wears Prada* sequel! I am rabid for that movie. I’m a little concerned by the preview (I will not call it a trailer) but you can’t judge a movie by its preview, it could go either way - - you could get a lousy preview for a great movie or a great preview that shows you the only good two and a half minutes in the movie.

I’m not consistently into Christopher Nolan but I’m intrigued by the cast for his movie of *The Odyssey.* Matt Damon, Tom Holland, Anne Hathaway, Robert Pattinson, Lupita Nyong’o, Zendaya, Charlize Theron, Mia Goth, John Leguizamo, Elliot Page, James Remar, Samantha Morton, and wow, Bill Irwin! What a weird lineup. The movie could go either way.

*The Bride* also looks like it might be a hot mess: a *Bride of Frankenstein* reboot directed by Maggie Gyllenhaal starring her brother Jake (natch), her husband Peter (natch), Jessie Buckley, Christian Bale, Annette Bening, Penélope Cruz, and wow, Jeannie Berlin!

Hot mess #3: *Digger,* directed by Alejando Iñáritu. The description on imdb: “The most powerful man in the world embarks on a frantic mission to prove he is humanity’s savior before the disaster he’s unleashed destroys everything.” Sounds like my kind of jam. Only three people I know in the cast but those dudes are enticing indeed: Tom Cruise as the titular digger, Riz Ahmed, and wow, John Goodman!

Hm, a movie about weirdo mid-century writer Patricia Highsmith starring Helen Mirren as Highsmith, Olivia Cooke, Alden Ehrenreich, and wow, Juliet Stevenson!

Did you see the Super Bowl commercial for *The Adventures of Cliff Booth*? So cheeky, they didn’t even tell you the title of the movie! It’s a spinoff of *Once Upon a Time…in Hollywood* with Brad Pitt’s character Cliff Booth in the lead. Screenplay by Tarantino and directed by David Fincher. And what a cast: Pitt, Elizabeth Debicki, Carla Gugino, Timothy Olyphant, Scott Caan, and wow, Peter Weller! This is a Netflix movie I’d see in the theater but it appears it’ll only be streaming. I’ll keep an eye out for the Paris Theater here in town, they appear to be owned by Netflix and often show Netflix movies on the big screen.

MOST DESERVING OF A COMEBACK

Can someone please write a good part for Glenda Jackson? Even a small part. Yes, I know she’s 87 years old but I saw her as King Freaking Lear on Broadway in 2019 (not so long ago) so clearly the old girl’s still got some fire in her belly. She’s an amazingly gifted actor, throw her a bone.

VIVA LA DIVA

Of course this has to go to Jennifer Lopez in *Kiss of the Spider Woman,* diva in the EXTREME. The movie felt like it was built around her, and she delivered. The DANCING! Oh my Lord, the dancing was out of control.

NICE TRY

I read about *Eddington* in the New Yorker, in an article about the indie studio that produced it, A24. It’s directed by Ari Aster and I’m a fan of his first two movies, *Hereditary* and *Midsommar,* both scream-inducing horror movies, the work of a real master. *Eddington* was a misfire.

It had me thinking of *Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle,* of all things. I don’t know if it was me who said this or some on-the-payroll movie critic but *CAFT* is what I call a Checklist Movie: the director (McG) had a checklist of things he wanted to see in a movie (Demi Moore in a bikini, Bernie Mac as Bosley, John Cleese as Lucy Liu’s father, Cameron Diaz riding a mechanical yak, etc) and threw it all in there. Why hold back? *Eddington* had a checklist of hot political topics of the period in which it’s set, May 2020: Covid conspiracy theories, resistance to wearing a mask, Black Lives Matter, he even threw in a cult leader for good measure. It’s a little much, it feels like he could have made some better choices. But it’s a nice change to see Joaquin Phoenix playing a more or less normal person (at least he is in the first half of the movie) and Pedro Pascal is marvelous as the do-gooder town mayor.

This is my report on *The Phoenician Scheme.* I’m afraid that the sun is setting on Wes Anderson. A sense of whimsy, dazzling production design, intermittently clever dialogue delivered with relentless blankness, frequent smoking of cigars, bits of Stravinsky, glimpses of notable oil paintings, quicksand, a cyanide capsule, and a staggering all-star cast do not add up to a satisfying cinematic experience. I would ask for at least one or two characters who I care about and if not a sense of drama or excitement, at least a sense of purpose. His movies are still unlike anyone else’s but they’re becoming oppressively similar to each other.

HORRORABLE MENTION

Rewind to December 2023. One of my colleagues here at Tiffany is head of the Tiffany archives. He pulled me aside and told me that he had just collaborated with Guillermo del Toro on a new adaptation of *Frankenstein.* Tiffany loaned the production 27 pieces, pulled from the archive and new pieces made to look like old pieces. So I was jazzed up to see the movie for a long time.

I saw it in the theater because I wanted to see those Tiffany jewels in all their big screen glory. And the movie was so good I hardly noticed the jewels at all! LOL. It made me want to read the book, and isn’t that the most you can ask for in a literary adaptation? All of the performances were extraordinary and del Toro has such a fascinating point of view. I also loved seeing Mia Goth in the female lead in a major Hollywood movie. The part didn’t really challenge her but hopefully this will give her a bigger platform from which to display her talents.

HOW COULD I HAVE MISSED IT?

My brother Howard alerted me to the death of Robert Carradine back in March. I hadn’t heard of him but correctly guessed that he was a member of the Carradine clan. I read his obit and was tickled to see he was the lead in *Revenge of the Nerds.* I figured it was time to see that movie.

It’s amazing that I graduated from high school in 1986 and had never seen this movie or any of its sequels. First off, the movie is littered with people who went on to bigger and better things: Anthony Andrews is the second-most important nerd, James Cromwell is the father of Carradine, John Goodman is the football coach, Timothy Busfield was a supporting nerd (I didn’t even recognize him), and behind the scenes, it was the second movie scored by Thomas Newman, part of an impressive movie dynasty himself.

The good news: the movie generally holds up. It’s funny, touching, had good performances - - it knows what it is and delivers on those terms. Robert Carradine was a seriously good looking guy so I was afraid there’d be what I call a Why Miss Stevens, I Had No Idea moment. This is a popular cliché from old movies and TV shows. A secretary takes off her glasses and shakes her long hair out of a bun and reveals herself to be Julie Newmar. Her boss says, “Why Miss Stevens, I had no idea.” I was afraid we’d have a moment like that with Carradine and/or Andrews, both of whom are super cute, but what a treat, they remained in full nerd regalia the whole time.

The bad news: the Asian-American stereotypes were cringeworthy, bordering on Yuniokiism. And the objectification of women was even more upsetting. It made me think of *Gone With the Wind* - - if I can forgive the horrors of *GWTW* by seeing it from my 1939 eyes, I should be able to look at *R of the N* with my 1984 eyes. Which were actually seeing things in 1984.

I decided to make it a double feature and see another movie from the 80s I hadn’t seen: *The Goonies.* Now THAT is a great movie! No qualifiers, no quibbles, just great movie-making. Again, lots of people who went on to bigger and better things: Sean Astin (so adorable), Josh Brolin (I don’t want to sound pervy but even at 17 he had it goin’ on), Oscar winner Ke Huy Kwan, Martha Plimpton, and Joe Pantoliano. And a screenplay by Chris Columbus! See it if you haven’t already. Or see it again if it’s been a while.

BREAK-OUT PERFORMANCE, FEMALE

Chase Infiniti is maybe the best thing in *One Battle After Another.* Any 25-year old actor who can hold her own against the relentless energy of Sean Penn (playing a character named Steven J. Lockjaw, no less) has a bright future ahead. She knows the value of being still and quiet. I’m very interested to see what she does next.

BREAK-OUT PERFORMANCE, MALE

I know Jack O’Connell has done quite a lot of movies but I haven’t seen any of them so for me his performance in *Sinners* is a break-out performance. He walked along that knife edge between charming and creepy. Maybe I need to check out his back catalog.

BEST CREDITS

The opening credits to *After the Hunt* were sly (a word I don’t often get the opportunity to use). They were done in the immediately recognizable Woody Allen movie font, also in his style with white credits on a black background. This signaled that it was going to be an intellectual drama about upscale white people. And after a little pondering I made the connection that this movie was about an accusation about sexual misconduct. Something Woody Allen knows very well.

FAST FIVE

Five movies in which someone looks intentionally into the camera:

1. *Shadow of a Doubt*

2. *The Revolt of Mamie Stover*

3. *The 400 Blows*

4. *Thoroughly Modern Millie*

5. *Ferris Bueller’s Day Off*

DREK

I've been a big fan of Paul Thomas Anderson all the way back to his second movie, *Boogie Nights.* I especially love *Phantom Thread,* one of those rare contemporary movies that gets better every time you watch it.

His last movie was *Licorice Pizza,* which I enjoyed though I wasn't really wild about it. Well that movie was a masterpiece compared to *One Battle After Another.* Or as I like to call it, *One Battle After Your Mother.* Or as my brother Howard likes to call it, referencing a soprano he went gaga over in the 80s, *One Kathy Battle After Another.*

There were three things that made this movie turn the corner from Glorious Mess to Drek. First, the misuse of talent. We have three of our strongest actors - - Leonardo Di Caprio, Sean Penn, and Benicio Del Toro - - all going full tilt in a movie that is not worthy of them. Second, the misfire of intention. If you're going to make a movie that's critical of capitalism, toxic masculinity, and the United States immigration system, you'd be wise to make it in a coherent and compelling way. No and no for this movie. And third, deliberate messiness is not artistry. I'm not saying you need to be Alfred Freaking Hitchcock, but please, rein it in just a little. Show a little restraint and maybe just a quarter cup of elegance.

BRIEFLY NOTED

*Mission Impossible: The Final Reckoning* was tremendous fun. I saw it with my buddy Max who picked up on the heaping piles of exposition in the first half hour of the movie - - it seemed like every scene was explaining what had happened in the previous movie and laid out what needed to happen in the current movie. We decided the movie should have been called *Mission Impossible: Relentless Exposition.*

Seeing *Sinners* in the movie theater showed me definitively that some movies are best seen in that setting. I’ve been an intermittent fan of the *Mission Impossible* franchise since the beginning - - in my opinion, none of them come close to the brilliance of the first, but then it’s directed by Brian de Palma, so no surprise. The recent *MI* movies seem like bits of convoluted plot wrapped around thrilling action sequences. I loved the fist fight between Tom Cruise and Henry Cavill in *MI: Fallout* and the train car dangling off a cliff in *MI: Dead Reckoning.* *MI: Dead Reckoning* was presented as the first half of the final duo in the franchise, a trick the producers learned from Harry Potter.

There’s a death-defying sequence in the middle of the movie. It was fascinating to me that even though we all know that somehow Tom Cruise will survive and live to dangle off a few more airplanes it doesn’t lessen the excitement. I wonder how they manage that.

One interesting thing I noticed: at least two of the set-piece action sequences are actually two action sequences happening at the same time and cut together. Why not?

*Kiss of the Spider Woman* really hit the sot, a colorful splashy Hollywood musical that examined deeper issues, checked a lot of boxes. I’m glad I saw it in the theater. I’m curious to see where Tonatiuh’s career goes, he totally held his own in a tricky part.

*Nuremberg* was really well done. What a treat to see Russell Crowe in a leading role, in a serious project worthy of his talent. And Rami Malek, he’s something else.

*Jay Kelly* was touching, very professionally done, and more imaginative than it needed to be. George Clooney was of course wonderful but Adam Sandler was the real prize, his performance was a reminder of what a good actor he is.

I enjoyed *Marty Supreme* very much. I'm not rabid for Timothée Chalamet but it was great to see him playing a real grown up role. My favorite performance was Gwyneth Paltrow as a washed-up movie goddess of yesteryear. Who thought of her for that part...? The biggest joy of the movie was the tone - - it reminded me of a farce in the way that all sorts of relentless implausible things kept happening but instead of being madcap and comic it was dramatic and exciting. And who knew that table tennis was so thrilling! Do I need to become a fan?

I was interested in *The Mastermind* because it was written and directed by Kelly Reichardt - - I was blown away by her 2008 movie *Wendy and Lucy* and I was curious to see what she’d do with this movie. Plus it’s starring Josh O’Connor and I appear to have A Thing for him. And I was intrigued by the premise of a shlubby ordinary guy setting up an art heist.

I saw it with my friend Susan and we both had so many questions, we found it rather baffling. We wondered what happened before the movie, what happened after the movie, and even what happened during the movie. I can roll with this in a truly abstract or surreal movie like a Buñuel or a David Lynch, that’s baked in and it’s what you expect, but this wasn’t mystifying it was just confusing. We want a prequel and a sequel but then maybe they’d only raise more questions.

However there was a lot to admire about it: great performances, Hope Davis is on a roll, I love to see that, and what a treat to see Gaby Hoffman in a showy little part. The look of the movie was a masterpiece in itself, washed out and blurry, a perfect expression of the story. The use of music was first rate. And Josh O’Connor really held the screen in a role that could have been a big nothing. We felt for him but also didn’t really let him off.

I have no option but to be brief about *F1.* I only watched twenty minutes of it. I had seen nine of the ten Best Picture Oscar nominees and thought I should round it out by seeing *F1.* I have a personal policy that I need to watch a movie for twenty minutes before I give up and turn it off. *F1* was so overloaded with clichés and standard action movie tropes, I couldn’t take it. It would have been fun if they had used those elements in a cheeky way but it was done in dead earnest. Even the opening credits got me riled up - - “Oh please! Of course the score is by Hans Freaking Zimmer!” Brad Pitt was, natch, loaded with charisma but that’s not enough to keep me watching it.

*Sirat* was unbelievably powerful. I don’t know of an American movie that would have the nerve to be so relentlessly and fearlessly tragic. Not for everyone but essential viewing for people who like Feel Bad Movies.

*It Was Just an Accident* was an experience. One of the heaviest topics you can imagine but told with delicacy, a deep humanity, and disarming moments of comedy. Also a surprising ending, you know how I love that.

GUILTY PLEASURE

I think of a Guilty Pleasure as a movie that’s a little trashy but makes me happy to watch it. Previous winners in this category are *Beyond the Valley of the Dolls,* *Rome Adventure,* and *Eyes of Laura Mars,* all masterpieces of the genre. Other previous winners are movies that are well made but not exactly respected: *Maid In Manhattan,* *The Long Kiss Goodnight,* and *The First Wives Club.*

This year’s winner is a well-made movie that I think everyone can get behind. I call it a Guilty Pleasure because I watch it more often than I should, when there are other things I need to watch, things I haven’t seen. Like twenty or more Ingmar Bergman movies. Or should I accept my Bergman limitations and officially give up on that idea? Anyway, *Diana Vreeland: The Eye Has To Travel* is a superb documentary from 2011. Mrs. Vreeland was the editor of American Vogue from 1962 to 1971. She was fired from that job and became consultant to the Costume Institute at the Metropolitan Museum of Art, turning it from a musty backwater to the juggernaut it is today. She’s one of my heroes and a constant source of inspiration for me.

A few quotes from Mrs. Vreeland:

“Elegance is refusal.”

“Pink is the navy blue of India.”

"Lettuce is divine, although I'm not sure it's really food."

“A little bad taste is like a nice splash of paprika. We all need a splash of bad taste—it’s hearty, it’s healthy, it’s physical. I think we could use more of it. No taste is what I’m against.”

The documentary is a dazzling review of her life, career(s), and influence. It’s a who’s who of people she knew: David Bailey, Marisa Berenson, Manolo Blahnik, Bob Colacello, etc. My favorite is Ali McGraw who was one of Mrs. Vreeland’s assistants for a short time (no one lasted long in that job). Mrs. Vreeland makes Miranda Priestley look like Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm.

I saw the movie with my dear friend Geoffrey. We talked about it afterwards and had this delightful little exchange:

HIM: It’s so cute that you call her Mrs. Vreeland.

ME: Of course, that’s what Andy always called her.

HIM: It’s also cute that you call Andy Warhol “Andy.”

The whole movie is on YouTube. Catch it whilst you can.

ON SECOND THOUGHT

Sometime in the fall of 2003 I was seeing a movie with my friend Diane Schoff. One of the previews was for *Miracle,* a movie about the 1980 US Olympic hockey team. The preview had me heaving with sobs. Diane looked at me with alarm. I was alarmed myself. I was destroyed like this for a HOCKEY movie?

Of course I had to see it to be sure. Diane and I saw it together and we both loved it. I got it on DVD and have watched it three or four times. I watched it this last fall and while the movie still holds up very well I was surprised that the character of head coach Herb Brooks hits very differently all these years later. He seemed like a hardass in previous viewings but this time he seemed like a sadist! It made the movie noticeably less enjoyable.

BEST USE OF A POP SONG

I loved *Bugonia,* I thought it was exciting and challenging and unexpected. But the moment that made my heart sing was at the end of the movie when we heard my beloved Marlene Dietrich singing “Where Have All the Flowers Gone.” It was maybe my favorite moment in a movie this year.

BEST DOCUMENTARY

*Stiller and Meara: Nothing Is Lost* is a sweet little documentary about Jerry Stiller and Anne Meara, directed by their son Ben Stiller. They hit the scene as a comedy duo in the 60s, seemingly on Ed Sullivan about once a month. They both had acting careers apart from their work together. The movie examines their careers, their marriage, their strengths and shortcomings as parents, all of that. It’s streaming on Apple if you’re interested. A lovely way to spend an hour and a half.

MOVIE PROJECT

A couple of months ago I was home alone one night and looking for something to watch. I tried a couple of things on various streaming platforms and none of them turned my crank. I looked off into the distance, such as it is in my cozy little media room, and realized I was looking at my Alien Quadrilogy box set. The first four Alien movies - - the only ones, at that point. I bought the box set when it first came out and watched all four movies and their extensive special features. That was back in 2003. I planned on watching the full set again sometime during Covid lockdown in 2020 but never got around to it.

Well once that idea came in my mind I realized it was exactly what I wanted. I’ll list them in my ranking order, staring with the best:

#1: ALIEN (1979)

So creepy and original. No one had seen a sci fi movie like that before. I can’t imagine the impact of seeing it in the theater and not knowing what to expect. And the big shocker of having a young woman (Sigourney Weaver in her first leading role) as the hero was a genius idea. Directed with style and skill by Ridley Scott, his second feature.

#2: ALIEN RESURRECTION (1997)

I loved this movie, loved its sassy energy and lesbo undertones. And Winona Ryder! This movie has an unfair advantage because it’s the only one that I saw in the theater. It knocked me out. Directed with a tangy French flavor by Jean-Pierre Jeunet. One of the biggest shockers of seeing this movie in 2026 was seeing that the screenplay was by Joss Whedon - - I didn’t know who he was in 1997 but have since become a major fan of *Buffy the Vampire Slayer.*

#3: ALIEN 3 (1992)

This movie got a lot of grumpy reactions from the producers on the special features but I think it holds up pretty good. The chase sequences are exciting, the variations on the alien theme are intriguing, and it’s nice to see Ripley get laid for a change (and having Charles Dance for a partner is no hill of beans). It’s definitely worthy of the franchise. They all are, all four. Directed with dark moodiness by David Fincher, his first feature.

#4: ALIENS (1986)

Too machismo for me but effective for what it was. Clearly it achieved what it set out to do and you have to appreciate that. Directed by James Cameron with his own brand of smug brio. Snaps to Paul Reiser playing the villain.

A NEW INVENTION CALLED TELEVISION

I read about *Heated Rivalry* in The New York Times in December. A TV show about horny gay hockey players? Yes please. It was better than I expected. I can’t wait for season two.

BEST PREVIEW

Thank you, *Weapons,* for not giving away anything in the preview. We got a sense of menace and doom and that was enough. The surprises of a movie should always be surprises, am I right?

BEST FILMWORD BOOK

I just finished reading *It Girl: The Life and Legacy of Jane Birkin* by Marisa Meltzer. Birkin is as much a style icon and singer as a film actor but I first encountered her as a film actor so for my purposes I’m calling this is filmworld book. She’s a fascinating and complex artist, I want to familiarize myself with her music and her more (to me) obscure movies. I’ve seen *Death on the Nile* and *Evil Under the Sun* at least 20 times each, it’s time to pull something else from the Birkin bag.

FAVORITE PERFORMANCE

Oh yes, Amy Madigan in *Weapons.* I’m not going to go against what I wrote above about no spoilers but holy cow her performance is tremendous. Aunt Gladys is one of those characters who will stand the test of time. Madigan didn’t just make her creepy, I found myself also feeling sorry for Gladys. That’s a real achievement.

MOST DESERVING OF A SEQUEL

I hope you’re seen *Singin’ in the Rain.* I saw it recently and found myself wondering what happens to Lina Lamont, the squeaky-voiced leading lady who is brushed aside at the end of the movie. I’d love to see *Singin’ in the Rain Pt 2: Lina’s Revenge.*

The sequel happens ten years after the first movie. Don and Kathy (the cute central couple) have done a number of cute musicals, which were a hit at first but have turned stale. We could cover that in a three-minute montage at the start of the movie. We see Lina sitting at home eating bonbons, reading a bad review in *Variety* of their latest movie, laughing her head off. Maybe some leopard print in her house to make us think of Norma Desmond in *Sunset Blvd.* Maybe she’d even have a taciturn bald butler named Max!

Lina hasn’t worked in years, she was scuttled into oblivion by the studio in a panic that her true speaking voice would be revealed to the public. Lina leafs through that same copy of Variety and sees that an second-tier studio is doing a movie about a wise-cracking tough broad of a certain age. She calls her agent and says that she wants a screen test. She shows up and everyone is astonished that the great Lina Lamont is interested in making a comeback. Some young man in the group looks particularly gobsmacked. She snaps at him, “Shut yer mouth, Junior. To paraphrase my old boyfriend Mark Twain, the rumors of my death are a load of hogwash!”

She does the screen test and nails it. The movie is rushed into production and Lina does the full circuit of interviews and press junkets. She’s asked where she’s been and she says, “Hollywood wanted none of me. Once the talkies came around there was no place for a, shall we say, distinctive voice like mine. I sure wasn’t right for those romantic leading ladies I’d been playing since the Year One. So here I am, showing what I can do. Clear me a path, people! Lina is BACK!”

The movie is a smash and she wins an Oscar. In her acceptance speech she thanks “those sweethearts of the screen, Don Lockwood and Kathy Selden, for unwittingly setting me up for the best role of my career. Maybe someday I can thank them in person.” She narrows her eyes in a look of divine malice.

We see a young (gay) director in the audience, cheering madly and cackling with brio. He approaches Lina at the after party and says he’d like to talk with her about an upcoming project. She says, “I’ve got a lotta offers on my plate but you’re cute. How about 10am tomorrow morning? At my palazzo?”

A montage of them concocting the idea for the movie. It’s officially written as a Lockwood /Selden picture with Lina in a juicy supporting role. Don and Kathy are thrilled to be offered such a good project and they make nice with Lina. We see some clips of them making the movie, going full tilt in the musical numbers. They notice some gaps in the schedule and the director says, “Those are for Lina’s scenes. She’s not the brightest so it takes a long time to get her to say the lines right. You understand.” Chuckle chuckle.

Lina, Don, and Kathy go to the premiere. Lina says to a radio interviewer on the scene that her previous movie was just a warm-up for this one and she hoped that Don and Kathy would be pleased with the way things turned out.

We see the finished movie. It’s been shot and cut to make Don and Kathy look phony and old hat. Lina comes on the scene at one point and says, going on meta on your ass, “What’s with all the singin’ and dancin’? That ain’t the way normal people behave.” Later in the movie she gets riled up about something and says, “I can’t believe it but I feel like I have a musical number comin’ on MYSELF!” And she delivers a true show-stopping number.

The movie ends with another show-stopping number by Lina. At the very finish we see it on a big screen in a movie palace and the crowd leaps to its feet. Lina herself is sitting in the back row. She gets up, saunters out, unnoticed by anyone, and says, smugly to the camera, “Now THAT’S entertainment.”

We see THAT footage on a big screen in a movie palace and the crowd leaps to its feet. Lina is brought to the stage and makes a little speech saying, “Thank you, thank you. Bless you. Such a treat sharing the screen with Lockwood and Selden again after all these years. I’d ask them to say a few words but it appears they’re nowhere to be found. Ah well, that’s show biz.”

THE END

I don't know who'd play Don and Kathy but I see Jennifer Tilly as Lina. Is she too old...? Or at 66, is she right on target? It would also be nice to get a cameo by Rita Moreno.

BEST MOVIE TO WATCH UNDER UNUSUAL CIRCUMSTANCES

This is actually the WORST movie to watch under unusual circumstances. My friend Diane Schoff once had a blind date with a guy who chose *Monster,* the movie with Charlize Theron as serial murderer Aileen Wuornos. There was no second date.

NEW CATEGORY: FAVORITE DETAIL

In this category I’ll point out my favorite detail from a movie in that year, maybe something that not a lot of people noticed. *Jay Kelly* ends with the movie star (George Clooney) and his manager (Adam Sandler) at a tribute to the movie star. The detail was that both actors are in tuxedos but the movie star is wearing a pre-tied bow tie whereas the manager is wearing a self-tied bow tie. To me this spoke to the degree of authenticity of those two people.